How to Stop Yourself From Crying
For advice on how to control your anger, take a look at How to Control Your Anger. Introduction I've noticed that you sometimes tend to cry your eyes out when something has made you very sad or upset. It seems to me that you have a tendency to get teary-eyed over some things, even if they're very small or no big deal. I know that you can't help it and it's because you're very sensitive, but there are some ways you can stop yourself from crying and prevent the tears from coming when you feel like you're going to cry. Questions for You to Answer *I know that you're very sensitive and there are quite a few events that have made you cry in the past. What have been some things that have made you cry in the past few days, weeks, or months? ** *What are some things that have helped you stop crying and feel better before this page was created (other than watching your favorite shows or movies, eating fast food, and playing your favorite video games)? Do they really help you at all? ** *I know that when you are very upset and tearful, you ask your friend Billy Johnston (aka WRJ WRJ) to cheer you up by making a video. But sometimes, he doesn't respond to your requests right away. What helps you feel better if Billy is not available to make a video for you? ** *I have heard that when you get upset, you often go to your room and cry yourself to sleep. That's probably not an appropriate thing for an adult to do if they're upset. Do you think there could be something else you can do when you're upset that will actually help you calm down? ** *How long do your tears last when you have a crying fit? ** *Do you know some other ways to calm down and stop crying? If so, what are they? Do they help you at all? Why or why not? ** *Has anyone comforted you when you're crying (other than your friend Billy)? How do they help you? ** Part 1: Stopping Yourself from Crying with Physical Actions #Focus on your breathing. Although this may be hard to do while you are sobbing, the relaxing effects of breathing can help you to stop yourself from crying. Perhaps you’ve just thought of a sad memory or something tragic has happened in your life. Calming yourself is a big part of stopping yourself from crying. Focusing on breathing, as in meditation, can help you to control the emotions you are feeling and help you to restore a sense of inner peace. #*When you feel the tears coming, breathing in slowly and deeply through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Doing this will both relax the lump that forms in your throat when you are on the verge of tears, and will stabilize your thoughts and emotions. #*Try counting to 10. Breathe in through your nose when you count a number. Exhale through your mouth when you are between numbers. Counting helps you to focus solely on your breath and not whatever is making you want to cry. #*Taking deep breaths can steady you when you are faced with something that makes you want to cry. Draw one deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and then let it back out. In that moment, focus only on the air going in and out of your lungs. Do this for several times. Taking deep breaths will also give you a moment to pause before you have to deal with the cause of your sadness. #Distract yourself with a physical movement. When you are on the verge of tears, it is important to get your mind onto other things. Physically distracting yourself is one way to keep yourself from crying. #*Squeeze your upper thighs or squeeze your hands together. The pressure should be enough to distract you from the reason why you feel like crying. #*Find something else to squeeze, like a stress toy or a pillow. Part 2: Stopping Yourself from Crying by Changing Your Focus #Think of something else that you can focus on. Sometimes you can stop the flow of tears by redirecting your attention onto something else. For example, you could change your focus by doing some simple math problems in your head. Add up small numbers or go over the times table in your head will distract your from what is making you feel upset and help you calm down. #*Alternatively, you could try to think of the lyrics to your favorite song. Remembering the words and singing the song in your head will take your mind off whatever is bothering you. Try to imagine the words to a happy or funny song so you give yourself a mental pick-me-up. #Think of something funny. While it may seem hard to do in the face of whatever is making you want to cry, thinking of something funny can really help you overcome your tears. Think of something that has made you really laugh in the past--a funny memory, a scene from a movie, or a joke you heard once. #*Try to smile when thinking of this funny thing. #Remind yourself that you are a strong individual. Giving yourself a mental pep-talk when you feel like you are on the verge of tears can help you overcome your desire to cry. Tell yourself that it is okay to feel sad, but that you cannot feel sad right now. Remind yourself of the reasons you cannot cry at that moment--you don't want to cry in front of people you don't know, or you want to be strong for someone else, etc. Tell yourself that you will let yourself feel sad, but that you need to hold it together for that moment. #*Remember that you are a great person, who has friends and family who love you. Think of what you have achieved in your life, as well as what you hope to achieve in the future. #*Research has shown that using positive self-talk has many health benefits beyond easing distress. It can also expand your life, enhance your immunity to the common cold, reduce your chances of developing depression and improve your ability to deal with difficult situations. #Distract yourself by engaging in something else. The worst thing you could do would be to dwell upon whatever is making you want to cry, especially when you want to keep yourself from crying. Distracting yourself is a temporary way to keep yourself from crying--but know that at some point you will have to face whatever is bothering you. #*Put on a movie that you have been wanting to watch (or an old classic that you really love). If you don't want to see a movie, grab your favorite book or put on an episode of your favorite TV show. #*Go for a walk to clear your head. Often, being in nature is a great way to distract yourself--invest yourself fully in appreciating the beauty around you and try to avoid thinking of whatever is making you sad. #*Exercise. Exercising releases endorphins and will make you feel better when you are feeling sad. Exercising also makes you focus on what you are doing, rather than how you are feeling. Part 3: Addressing Your Reasons For Crying #Identify negative or sad thoughts. Many times you might continue crying because you keep having a sad or negative thought. You might think something like, "I can't trust him anymore," or “I have no one…” In the moment, identifying the thought may seem like it makes it worse, but it is the first step in regaining control of your thoughts and tears. #*If you can’t do it in the moment, reflect on the thoughts you were thinking in the moment once you’ve stopped crying. #Write down what is upsetting you. If you are too upset to write a formal sentence, feel free to write anything, write messy, or even scrawl. You can simply list incomplete sentences, a page with one big feeling word, or a page full of feeling words. The point is to get these feelings and thoughts onto a page and out of your mind a little. Later on you can reflect on and discuss these feelings and thoughts when you are in a calmer state. #*For example, you might simply write something like,"So heavy," "Hurt, betrayed, offended." Writing down what's bothering you can also help you have a conversation with someone who might be hurting you. #Physically distract yourself. To break the cycle of negative thoughts, try distracting yourself by tensing up your muscles or by holding a piece of ice in your hand or on your neck. Ideally, this will draw your attention away from the thought long enough for you to regain composure. #*You can also try to distract yourself with music. Rock and sway to center yourself and calm your body. Singing or humming along may help you regain control of your breathing and focus on something else. #*Go for a walk. The change of scenery from going for a walk can help stop those pervasive, negative thoughts. Physical activity may also help reset your breathing and heart rate. #Remind yourself, “This is temporary.” Though in these moments it feels permanent, try to remind yourself that this moment will pass. This moment is not forever. This will help you see a bigger picture beyond this overwhelming moment. #*Splash some cold water on your face. The coolness can distract you for a moment to gain control of your breathing. The cool water may also help some of the swelling (like puffy eyes) that happens after crying hard. Part 4: Considering and Preventing Crying #Ask yourself if your crying is a problem. Do you feel like you're crying too much? While this is subjective, on average women cry 5.3 times a month and men 1.3 times, but this crying varies from watery eyes to sobbing. These averages may not necessarily take into account times when crying is more frequent because of some sort of emotional life event. When crying fits start to feel out of your control and affect your personal or work life, then it may be considered a problem worth addressing. #*You're more likely to feel overwhelmed and find yourself in a cycle of sad or negative thoughts during these highly emotional periods. #Think about why you cry. If something is going in on your life that causes your stress or anxiety, you may be more likely to cry frequently. For example, if you're mourning the death of a loved one or just mourning the end of a relationship, crying is normal and understandable. But, sometimes life itself can become overwhelming and you may find yourself crying without understanding why you started crying in the first place. #*In this case, excessive crying may be a sign of something more serious like depression or anxiety. If you find yourself frequently crying without understanding why, feel sad, worthless, or irritable, start experiencing pain or trouble eating, or have trouble sleeping, you may have depression. Seek medical attention to learn treatment options. #Identify crying triggers. Start being aware of the situations leading up to your crying fits and write them down. When do the fits happen? Are there certain days, situations, or scenarios that elicit intense crying? Are there things that trigger a crying fit? #*For example, if listening to a certain song makes you tear up, take the provoking song off of your playlists and avoid listening to it. The same thing goes for pictures, smells, places, etc. If you don’t want to be exposed to these upsetting reminders, it is ok to avoid them for a while. #Start journaling. Write down any negative thoughts and ask yourself if they're rational. Likewise, consider if your ideals are rational and realistic. Remember to be kind to yourself. A good way to do this is to list any accomplishments or things that make you happy. Think of your journal or diary as a record of what you're grateful for. #*Try to contribute to your journal or diary every day. When you feel like you're going to cry, read what you've already written and remind yourself what makes you happy #Evaluate yourself. Ask yourself, “How do I cope with conflict?” Do you typically respond with anger? Tears? Ignoring it? Chances are, if you let conflict build up by ignoring it, you'll end up in a big crying fit. Becoming aware of how to respond to conflict may help you identify what path you need to take. #*Don't forget to ask yourself, "Who is in control?” Reclaim control over your life so you have the power to change outcomes. For example, rather than say, "That teacher is terrible and made me fail that test," admit that you didn't study enough and that led to your poor score. Next time, focus on studying and accepting the outcome. #Understand how thoughts affect your emotions and behavior. If you continuously think negative thoughts, you may be fostering harmful emotions. You might even revisit negative, sad memories that happened in the distant past, which also keeps the crying going. This can cause damaging behavior, including prolonged crying fits. Once you're aware of the effects your thoughts have, you can begin to change your thinking to create more positive situations. #*For example, if you keep thinking, "I'm not good enough," you may begin to feel hopeless or insecure. Learn to stop the thought process before it affects your emotional well-being. #Reach out. You can try reaching out to a close friend or family member to talk about what is bothering you. Call them or ask if they are available to do something together that will make you feel better. #*If you find yourself crying frequently and feel you need some additional help, a professional counselor may be able help you. A counselor can develop a plan for you to regain control of your thoughts and cope with them appropriately. Part 5: Moving On #Examine why you want to cry or are crying. Taking time to think about what is making you cry or feel like crying is important. Once you find the reason behind your tears, you will be able to analyze it more fully and come up with a solution or a way to make yourself feel better. Think about what is happening that is making you feel like crying. Is there a specific person or situation that is making you feel this way? Has something recently happened that is making you feel sad? Or is there another reason that you keep finding yourself fighting off tears? #*If you cannot determine the cause of your tears on your own, consider speaking with a therapist for help. #Write in a journal or diary. Writing your thoughts down will help you to sort them out and feel better. Journaling can also help you to deal with stress, anxiety, and depression. For best results, set aside a few minutes every day to write about your thoughts and feelings. You can structure your journal any way that you like and write about whatever you want. #*If a specific person has made you want to cry, try writing them a letter. Writing down what you feel can often be easier than saying your thoughts out loud. Even if you don’t give the person the letter, you will feel better after having expressed what you have been feeling and thinking. #Talk to someone. After you have calmed down even just a little, you should talk to someone about what you are experiencing. Talk to a close friend, family member, or therapist about whatever is making you want to cry. As the saying goes, two heads are better than one, and the person you talk to will help you resolve the challenges you are facing. #*Talking to someone will also allow you to feel like you are not alone in the situation. If you feel like you are carrying around the weight of the world, talk to someone and let them help you sort out what you are thinking and feeling. #*Talking therapy is very beneficial for people who are dealing with depression, anxiety, loss, health problems, relationship problems, and more. Consider speaking to a therapist if you continue to have trouble with crying or if you have problems that you want to discuss with someone in a safe, confidential environment. #Distract yourself with things you love. Taking time to enjoy your hobbies can help you to gain a new perspective during a difficult time. Set aside time every week to enjoy one of your hobbies. Even if you feel like you will never be able to fully engage in the world around you because you are so sad, you will soon find that you are actually having fun and laughing. #*Surround yourself with people that make you happy. Do fun things that you like to do like going hiking, painting, etc. Immerse yourself in activities--filling up your time is a great way to distract yourself from feeling sad. Tips *Think of something soothing and happy from your childhood. *Read or talk to someone about ways to help you to control your emotions and try putting these systems in place. *Go to your favorite quiet place to spend some 'alone' time to gather your thoughts. Maybe bring a close friend who could help/comfort you. *Sitting or standing straighter may make you feel more confident and strong, which may help you hold back tears. *A hug from a friend or family member can be very comforting. *Talk about why you're upset to the person that's actually caused it in a calm manner. *Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and all this will only enhance your future. *Eat some chocolate or another comfort food. *Talk to your best friend or to your parent; tell them everything. They will be able to cheer you up. *If you have very close friends or family, you should give them signs or signals that no one else knows about that will show if you are going to cry. They may know how to help you. Whether it be a change in your voice or anything else, they will know and do what they can to help. *Try and take deep breaths, while slowly and steadily counting to 20. *If it's late, try to sleep. It helps you forget about what you are crying about and helps you feel better. *Make yourself laugh if you feel tears coming on by thinking of something funny. Think to yourself: "This is silly! Why am I crying?", and you will probably laugh it out instead of crying. *Talk to someone about your feelings, whether it's a family member, a friend, classmate, teacher, therapist, family doctor, principal, or someone who you know well and can trust. They will comfort you and calm you down. *If you need to calm down, dampen a washcloth with warm water and put it on your neck. *If you're already calmed down, get a cold washcloth and put it over your eyes or forehead to help you sleep and feel better. *Try going somewhere where you can be alone and calm down. *Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger about things that are bothering you. Talking to someone may help bring a different perspective into the mix. *Try to talk to yourself in a calming, relaxing voice. *Curl up next to a pet. Animals may not be able to give advice, but they won't judge either. *Keep writing down your thoughts. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself probing questions to evaluate the thought. Take steps to gain control of those thoughts. *When you feel the urge to cry, ask yourself, “Should I let myself cry? Am I in a situation where it is okay to cry?” Sometimes crying is good for you and can be very cathartic, but it may not always be appropriate in all settings. *Excessive crying may cause dehydration, which can lead to headaches. After you've relaxed, you should sip a tall glass of water. *Tell yourself that you will be okay, whatever the situation, and know that there are people to help you. *Tell someone who listens to you what is troubling you. *When you are upset try to find a person who you connect with, like a parent or guardian and consistently talk to them about your problems. Practice Time Now that you've read the tips I have given you, it's time to start practicing calming down. Make yourself comfortable and follow the steps below. #Start by taking slow, deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, and then slowly out through your mouth. Draw one deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and then let it back out. In that moment, focus only on the air going in and out of your lungs. Count to thirty as you breathe. Remember, breathe in through your nose when you count a number. Exhale through your mouth when you are between numbers. #Do you have something to squeeze in your hands, like a stress toy or a pillow? If so, then try squeezing that object as you take deep breaths. If you don't have anything to squeeze, then try squeezing your upper thighs or your hands together. This is a way to help you physically distract yourself. Videos to Help You Practice Calming Down How to do Deep Breathing Mindful Breathing Meditation (10 minutes) Mindful Breathing Meditation (5 Minutes) Counting Breaths Meditation (Strengthen Focus) Daily Calm 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation Be Present 3-minute Mindful Breathing Meditation (Relieve Stress) How Mindfulness Empowers Us An Animation Narrated by Sharon Salzberg Why Mindfulness Is a Superpower An Animation After Reading *Did the tips on this page help you at all? Have you learned something from reading? ** *Do you think these methods will help you the next time you start crying over something that makes you upset? ** *Practice taking deep breaths while listening to calm, relaxing music. Have you ever tried this in the past? Does it help you calm down? Will it help you calm down the next time you're having a crying fit? ** *If you were upset when you started reading this page, did the advice I gave you help you feel better? Why or why not? ** Questions Do you have any questions for me after reading this page? If so, then write them down here, and I'll answer them for you. Category:Advice Pages Category:GoAnimate V1 Wiki